It's difficult enough when you're grieving the loss of a loved one, continuing to run your business, lead a company and maintain a level of professionalism with clients through the midst of absolute heartache can seem like the last thing you feel like doing.
I haven’t felt up to writing publicly or continuing with my social media posts but when I googled “grief and business owner”, I couldn’t find much, there’s a lot on managing a staff member and their grief, but not much for the owners (like we can’t experience grief). So maybe, just maybe, my experience might help someone else.
Things were going well for me in my business. But there’s nothing quite like the death of a loved one to knock you out of the daydream that is your perfectly crafted world.
I was lucky enough to be able to travel to be with my Dad when his health started deteriorating and was able to adjust my initial trip timelines to stay for longer periods by his side.
Everything was more or less going according to plan, until it wasn’t.
10 Days in ICU and we discovered that my Dad did not have a stroke but rather had 2 lesions on his brain that were responsible for his sudden paralysis, his confusion, dizziness and pain.
It didn’t take long for him to stabilise but I knew he’d be there for a while. The following week he was moved to a general ward in the hospital. I had brought my entire “office”, laptops, screens, files and stayed at a BnB pumping out work in between visiting hours. About a week in the general ward my Dad had a seizure. The Doctor told me that it was unlikely my Dad would be around much longer.
Everything happened pretty quickly after that and exactly a month after arriving at Hospital, he died peacefully in Hospice, I was by his side. I still can’t wrap my head, and heart, around the fact I’ll never see him again. All that’s left of this larger-than-life man are the memories I cherish and his ashes.
I took on the role of project manager, breaking the news, delegating tasks and communicating important information to my Dad’s family. All the while, I kept reliving the moment my father died, over and over...
Here are some things I’ve learned about managing grief while running a business:
Be Realistic with your Abilities
We might as well start by ripping off a band-aid. A common thread I’ve heard from people who I’ve talked to that share grief over losing a close loved one is that it’s hard to get back in the groove with work. I get it. And you most likely won’t know how much time you will need, because grief is as unpredictable as life.
Know that this season of life may mean letting some people down. During a season of grief, some deadlines might not be met, some appointments will have to be rescheduled, and some projects just won’t happen. You must choose how to best approach your list of priorities and allow the less important items to take the back burner. Do not let the guilt of not being able to meet every expectation, professional or personal, add to the barrage of emotions you’re currently feeling. This is a season where the best way to serve your clients and loved ones best is by first taking care of yourself. The phrase "you can't pour from an empty cup" is more real than we think. You deserve to be your best self even during hard seasons.
Get Out of the House
If you work from home most days, this is probably a good tip for you in general. But it’s especially useful when you’re stuck in your own head about things that are completely out of your control.
Tune Out from the Digital
Don't think of it as tuning out from the world and what is going on. Instead, it's important to detach from the digital, from Social Media and rather use this time to connect with yourself and other people in a more personal way.
Learn to Delegate and ask for Support
You will never appreciate having a team more than when you’re dealing with grief and are the stopgap when it comes to getting “stuff” done. This situation has made me think of ways to take myself out of my business so that I can work on it when I want to, and not feel guilty about expectations when I just don’t have it in me.
Accept any offers of help from friends and colleagues, they want to help, but may feel like you need your space. They can’t read your mind, so tell them what you need.
Find People Who Understand What You’re Going Through
I’m so lucky to have amazing friends and a wonderful Son. I have also been very lucky and am truly grateful to have found support from my clients. Other people can’t take away your pain, but talking to those who know what it’s like may help you to find ways to manage it and process your feelings.
Set Expectations with Clients
Type A, I’ll own it, one of the first things I did after my Dad died was to email clients with work in progress and let them know that we’d have to push to meet deadlines. I didn’t want them to think that I was ignoring them or falling apart and not capable. I wanted them to know the truth.
Doing this gave me the time and space to start to process what just happened. I probably needed more time off than what I gave myself, but it’s more than the average corporate employee would have gotten. I’m grateful that my business enabled me to be with my Dad when I was most needed by him.
Succeed with Impact
In honour of your loved one, commit to succeeding with impact. Never let loss make you less, gain strength by focusing on the positive aspects your loved one has left you as a legacy. Take the nuggets of wisdom you’ve learned from your loved one and use them in your own journey as a person and as an entrepreneur.
Everyone processes grief differently, once you’ve had the awful experience of losing a loved one, you’ll know why it’s so debilitating. I hope that what I’ve shared can help you if you’re dealing with a similar situation.
I know that I don’t have it all completely figured out, but I am learning new coping mechanisms every day.
Allow yourself to get back up at your own pace and process this season in a way that works for you.
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